Hello, welcome back to your eating disorder meditation series. My name is Nicole. I am so glad you have showed up for yourself today. You deserve every moment of this self care right now. You deserve to work on your healing and self discovery.
Today we’re going to continue some of the work we’ve done in the past.
Let’s start by taking four deep breaths.
With that big exhalation. Let’s inhale 1,2,3,4,5,1,2,3,4,5 inhale 1,2,3,4,5 inhale 1,2,3,4,5.
Notice how your breath fulfills your entire body. Maybe you feel some warmth right now. Or maybe you observe some tension. These are normal reactions. Accept them. Make room for anything that comes into your life right now. You can always work towards your recovery.
You get to make a change at any point in your life.
At this moment, I want you to think about your relationship with your eating disorder. Reflect on some of the first memories you have together. How old were you? What was happening in your life? What needs weren’t being met?
Eating disorders often emerge from a place of despair and helplessness. They can manifest from trauma from neglect. From low self esteem or perfectionism. Your eating disorder promised you many things at one point.
Maybe it promised you some control or power. Perhaps it told you that it would lead you to happiness or love. Like we’ve done in previous meditations. I want you to picture your eating disorder knocking on your front door again. This time it’s a gentle knock. faint somewhat unassuming.
Visualize yourself getting up answering the front door. Take a good look at your eating disorder standing there. Feel free to say hello to it. You are still not going to let it inside. But you will chat on the doorstep.
I want you to tell your eating disorder that you understand why it came into your life that you now recognize something was missing. That you understood. It tried to fill a void that you didn’t know how else to fill.
Take a deep breath right here. Close the door. Does it feel like to reflect on those first memories? Those first wounds I know it can be painful and sad. It can be frustrating. You needed something or someone and you didn’t have it.
Maybe you still don’t fully have it, you will hold on to your eating disorder. Until you can learn new ways to cope with such voids. It is absolutely essential that you discover how to reparent and love yourself. The more you can do this, the less of a presence your eating disorder will have in your life.
Eating disorders are often about control. You want to control something. So you focus on what feels tangible. Food, exercise, restraint. And yet, the more you try to control these things, the more out of control you feel.
Take a moment right here and tell yourself I choose to surrender control. Let’s repeat. I choose to surrender control. I choose to surrender control.
Breathe. Notice anywhere that may be tense, or reactive. Notice any negative thoughts that arise. Just picture those thoughts as leaves falling off the tree. You can watch those leaves fall, but you don’t need to grab on to any of them. I choose to surrender control.
We do not have all the control we think we do. We have this moment. This breath right here. The past already happened. It is unchangeable, untouchable. The future has not arrived. We can prepare for it. Yes. But we cannot tether ourselves to a specific outcome.
Life will unfold in the way it unfolds. surrendering control is a brave, powerful choice. It’s a choice you can make every single moment you surrender control when you tell yourself. I will accept whatever happens right now. Let’s take a breath.
Think about something in your life that you really want to accept. Maybe it’s something that’s been gnawing at you bothering you in some way. Tell yourself you’re going to release its hold on you right now. At least in this moment. Let go of the ifs and buts.
Forget about if you can accept it in the future. is right now. Stay with this feeling. Next time your eating disorder knocks. Think about what you are trying to still control.
Your eating disorder is trying to pretend it can control things for you. It can’t. It never has. It never will.
As we end this meditation practice today. I invite you to continue surrendering yourself to the moment to the piece you feel right now. What a gift you gave yourself today. Hold on to this feeling and remember it throughout your day.
I look forward to us meeting again very soon.
”Take a moment right here and tell yourself I choose to surrender control. Let's repeat. I choose to surrender control. I choose to surrender control.